HYRUM TURNS 33!!

Preparing for Hyrum's birthday was cursed from the start, and I believe I know why. Every time I try to keep a secret from Hyrum, I run into all kinds of hazards and stress, and it's never worth it in the end. The last time I tried to surprise him with a gift for his birthday (a BBQ), I about had a nervous breakdown and had to recruit the help of others to join in my web of lies to throw him off. I swore off surprises after that. I usually just tell him everything in order to preserve my sanity, and my life!

So, since I procrastinate and have no genuine creativity that isn't stolen from someone else's idea, I waited until the day before Hyrum's birthday to search for a present.

My plan: Wait for Hyrum to leave for school (Monday is his longest day of school), then head out to find him a birthday present in Idaho Falls.

The reality: I ended up having to dodge the lightning bolts of disaster and thunder of stress as I once again tried to "surprise" Hyrum.

I got the kids ready in record time that morning, but then I couldn't find my keys. Luckily the van was unlocked, and there is a spare inside, but then I realized I wouldn't have a spare key for Hyrum's car, which I needed in order to snag the GPS out of it. (I found out later it was at home.) Without GPS, I knew I'd be lost in Idaho Falls since I rarely go there and never pay attention to how we get to any locations.

I set out anyway, hoping for the best.

I took an exit that I thought sounded familiar, but it ended up being one I've never been on. You want to know the sad part? I found out later that if I'd just followed that road off the exit, it would have led me exactly to where I was wanting to go. But, since such good fortune rarely smiles on my misadventures, I turned off that road after a few miles of feeling lost. I took a right turn and ended up getting myself lost for close to an hour, following roads with familiar names, but never ending up anywhere close to where I wanted to be. I learned later that each time I'd taken a right, I should have taken a left, or vice versa. It's my directional curse (which is part of the reason I was anxious to stop driving semi). I accidentally found WinCo (good to know) and Fred Meyer (not so useful) when I was looking for Target (one of my favorites). I found Home Depot (made a quick stop) when I was looking for Sportsman's Warehouse.

Just so you know, I hate feeling lost. I finally stopped at a gas station once I realized I was heading off into the boonies and that each road I thought was a few blocks from getting me to my destination was in truth leading me on a wild goose chase. The man at the counter told me that if I retraced my steps and just made the opposite turns I had made, I'd be right at my destination.

Great.

But, as it always turns out, bad can turn to worse. As I was sitting at the front of the line at a traffic light, I heard some odd, loud noises, then the red light I was watching flickered, almost imperceptibly, then suddenly there an explosion of loud booms and sizzles and electrical zaps above my head. I willed the light to turn green, but nothing happened. A moment later, amid more noise and confusion, I found myself being showered with sparks from the traffic light overhead. I envisioned the enormous metal pole stretched above my van crashing down on my kids, and then I saw my van ablaze in my mind, so red light or not, I hit the gas and took off! I think it may have turned green. I'm not really sure, and I really didn't care. No cars were coming and my heart was trying to leap out of my chest!!!

Oh, just in case you are sitting there, gripped with fear, sitting on the edge of your seat wondering if we were crushed, electrocuted, and burned, I'd better tell you...we're fine. I saw in my mirror that the lights just went black and then started flashing red, and there were no flames streaming behind me.

So, anyway, I ended up finding his gift at Sportman's Warehouse: a double sleeping bag, on sale thankfully, and a Hiking Idaho book. The problem now was trying to keep the kids from spilling the beans since they were with me.

Hyrum always tries to weasel my surprises out of the kids, so I told them that when he asked where we went today, to tell him we went to the Kisses and Hugs store, and if he asks what we got, to tell him we got kisses and hugs. Talea, frustrated with Hyrum's teasing, said she would rather tell him we got boogers and snot, since he always says that to her. I was fine with them saying anything except what we really got and where we actually went. I preferred he didn't even know I was in Idaho Falls so he wouldn't start guessing.

That night, I was frazzled from a day of shopping in the rain and traveling alone with the kids. I'm so not used to that! I thought I would burst when I couldn't tell Hyrum about the traffic light explosion, or my frustration from deciding which sleeping bag to go with, or the cool things I saw at different stores, or how I grudgingly pumped gas for the fourth time since moving to Idaho, or how I'd been lost forever, or how I couldn't find my keys or GPS, and everything else. I tell Hyrum EVERYTHING! I detest secrets! It ruined my day.

But...the kids didn't spill the beans. Hyrum did quiz the kids on what we did and where we went and what we got, but the sweethearts just responded with my coached answers. Only Kiersa mentioned that we saw reindeer (she meant an elk statue and elk heads at the store), but he thought she meant she saw deer that were in the rain. Phew!

Now, for his actual birthday.

I got up at 5:30am (have I ever mentioned how much I loathe getting up at an hour earlier than 6?) so I could shower and put on makeup for his big day (that's my fall-back present since I rarely wear makeup on a daily basis), then I ran to the store to get supplies for breakfast. I planned on going to WinCo while in Idaho Falls, but I found it first of all the stores, and I needed it last since I needed perishables, but I was too frazzled by the end of our shopping to stomach one more store, and by nightfall, I'd completely forgotten about groceries altogether.

My planned menu for his birthday breakfast: bacon, egg and cheese biscuits and orange juice. 

Do you think that's what he got after my preparation and early shopping? Not really. He got a couple of tough, crusty eggs and a few slices of bacon.

I forgot to buy eggs! And the store was out of the frozen biscuits he loves. And I forgot to buy pan spray, or even use butter or something, so the 2 eggs I had in the fridge that I cooked for him (on high heat) were crusted to the pan. But, the bacon was good at least. I also forgot to buy him a cheesecake for that night, since that's his favorite, thinking we still had a box of it in the cupboard. Nope.

So breakfast bombed, poor guy. He went off to school and came home around lunch to find me doing school with Tilly and playing gardener and lumberjack outside before it rained. Hy's birthday was the only dry day it's been for a while and was going to be for a while also, so I really needed to get the lawn mowed, vermiculite added to and turned in the garden, branches cut up and bald spots fixed in the grass.

I did pause to go to lunch with him at his favorite pizza buffet, Craigos, then we came home and he played on the computer with trailer plans, so I hit the yard again.

Tara Smith was in town with her kids, so they came over for a visit, which was lucky since I didn't have any plans for Hyrum's birthday. For dinner, we just had cereal since we were still kind of full from pizza, then the kids had a bath and got ready for bed.

I couldn't find my camera all day! I looked and looked but never could find it. Turns out it was buried in the depths of my diaper bag abyss and wasn't found until 9:15 pm. So the only picture I have of the whole day is this one, right before prayers.

So in summary: No cake. No celebration. No decorating. No plans. Typical Tiana-style planning. But even with all the flops, which are typical in my life, I at least managed to get him a present! Score one for the wife!

Happy Birthday, Hy. Sorry it wasn't that memorable for you, but it will be for me!